The Harsh Vibration of Anger
My Experience With Finding Inner Peace After Decades
Everything begins with vibration. The world was created with an utterance… a vibration that makes something out of nothing, the Ultimate Source of energy, in all things, the breath that is put into your lungs every morning when you awaken.
We are given life again and the choice to create a new and better vibration than we did the day before. Our first thoughts after waking from night sleep vibrate according to our will. We are given the day again and we get to choose the vibration for the moment. It’s all about free choice, we are given life and can vibrate any way we choose.
Gratitude has the highest vibration of all so being joyous upon awakening sets a most beautiful vibration for the day. When we pull away from gratitude and slip into complaints, we lower ourselves and the vibration created is not perfectly formed like it could be. Have you ever seen the photos of the water molecules that changed patterns when certain words were spoken?
A most fascinating proof that words of love and joy make a perfect pattern and negative words have no ability to form in a logical form that makes sense to health and wellness. It’s as though the world cannot respond in perfection without the right vibration.
Anger is the lowest vibration we can choose to place in the world. It’s on the lowest level possible and creates a chaotic energy within ourselves that ripples into all we do. Anger can be a habit reaction. We could have learned it from our parents or family and although we may never like it, it becomes a pattern in our life. The vibration of anger is permeating and penetrating. It increases hormonal rushes which can be interpreted as pleasure and then the subconscious will jump on the anger train regularly, with the conscious mind not understanding why we are constantly mad at everything.
The vibration of anger is spiritually and physically low. We separate ourselves from wisdom when we become angry. Anger makes a person lose their intellect. We can do things we don’t intend to and be rash and regret many things when performed during the high emotions of anger.
But what if you are a person that has had great exposure to anger, practically surrounded by it growing up, in covert and overt ways?
What if you heard consistent mocking tones in the family while growing up, where everyone joins in and feeds the anger naturally?
What if there is one angry parent that sets the tone for the entire family?
Maybe you are like me and have struggled with anger that was sometimes raging without understanding it?
I kept my anger neatly tucked away in the internal part of me, but it was still vibrating a certain way in the world. The vibration was a magnet and I had the tenancy to attract men that had anger issues. I think these men were in my life to help me identify and get to the bottom of this internal anger I have had to manage for decades. This is all hindsight, of course. It took me years to get to all of this.
Is anger ever justified? What if someone wrongs you in a horrible way? What if they traumatize you and leave you with lifelong scars?
What if someone is careless and ruins you financially or doesn’t keep their agreement in a business deal?
What about the painful betrayal of a spouse or partner that didn’t honor the sacred bond between you, whatever it was?
Have you ever found out that someone you love actually despises you and is talking about you to family members behind your back?
What about someone inflicting physical or financial harm on you, are you allowed to be angry?
Things can and do anger us but unless we are the most stoic of sages, we could respond with shock, then anger when triggered in a certain way.
Anger usually means a shift of some sort needs to take place but these transformations require wisdom to implement. I’ve found it beneficial to emotionally step away from anger as soon as possible. To stay in a place of anger is the precursor to all sorts of health issues because it causes stress in the body. Our emotions have more impact on our health than we think and as far as manifesting stress goes, responding in anger will create it regularly.
A person may not notice the stress because they have become accustomed to it for so long. Anger changes our body chemistry and leaves us frustrated, not able to think clearly and make a good plan for what to do next. We can get stuck in the vortex of anger, lowering ourselves and our vibration in the world. Gratitude and anger are far from each other and it’s difficult to get back to gratitude when seething with anger inside.
I never got to a place of anger that was out of control until one night when I was washing dishes. My relationship with my husband at the time was maddening for various reasons and I felt like a bird trapped in a cage, desperate to be free.
While doing the dishes I started thinking about everything and my mind was racing and raging out of control. As I washed a heavy plate it slipped out of my hand and hit the dish underneath, breaking it. It made me angry. It was like fuel for the fire and then I punched the dish. Then I punched it again and again and caught myself acting like a lunatic and stopped myself — but the damage was already done.
I had cut both of my hands deeply and was unable to stop the bleeding because both hands were sliced and I wasn’t sure where the cuts were. I wrapped my hands in a kitchen towel and pressed on them with my chest on the counter and screamed for husband who ran downstairs to see what had happened. He rushed me to the emergency and it was a miracle there was no glass in any of the cuts. Both hands were stitched up and I wasn’t able to type for a couple of weeks which was a big deal because I was an avid blogger at the time. It tooks months to heal.
That whole incident was a wake up call to myself to thoroughly examine how angry I could get. I was so angry that night I actually hurt myself. That had never happened before and I knew it could never happen again.
It meant I was going to have to take certain steps to insure I wouldn’t go that far again. I had to go through the divorce, deal with the attorneys and especially battle with a bully husband on my way out of the marriage. I was avoiding the inevitable but I couldn’t any longer. I needed to get out, there was no mending anything, I was being blamed for everything and told to get “fixed”. Fixing the situation meant I needed to end the marriage and I did.
The anger in that relationship was overt and never hidden. It was a relationship of fighting and battles, something my ex thoroughly enjoyed, it was his dynamic and natural for him. Being I grew up in and around a family that was unable to process emotions and chose anger as the first response when things didn’t go their way, I craved peace most of my life. I was almost desperate for peace as a little girl and made all kinds of plans to move out and find my peace when I was old enough. My mother told me I used to tell her I wanted to move out at five years old.
The second marriage that was steeped in anger was covert. Where as my previous husband wore his anger and rage on his sleeve (not all the time but it was there for all to see eventually), this new marriage was all about being nice and seething in anger on the inside. I carried mostly hurt in this marriage as he was unwilling and unable to meet any basic emotional needs of a relationship such as:
- I matter
- I’m significant
- I’m lovable
- I’m enough
- I’m safe
- You’re proud of me
These are basic needs of a child and if they are not met, it creates insecurity and breeds a lack of self confidence. In a marriage, it creates the same tragedy and that is why I was left feeling so broken afterward. I had the basic needs when I first got married, but they were removed shortly after. Eventually, I became whole again by providing all of those basic needs for myself, which was another lesson learned.
Before that marriage there were many dreams and promises but after the wedding, things took a turn rather quickly and I fell off a pedestal that I had been on previously and never made my way back. It was a marriage of saying nice and calm words to my face and hating me deep down inside, the most insidious thing because I could feel his anger and hate but I would see his smiling face and question why I was feeling that something was off.
After two and half years of this, he told me he didn’t want to be married anymore. I knew the relationship was not the best, but I was surprised he ended the marriage the way he did, refusing to go for any type of counseling to help us or looking at how he contributed to the marital problems. He just wanted me out of his life.
Interestingly, through feeling all his anger towards me (for being me) I didn’t absorb his anger or react to it with anger. I could see clearly what was happening. Every comment he made was a piece in the puzzle of the impending destruction but at the end, when it was time to leave, I had no instinct, habit, or thoughts of anger. I was plain hurt and had been for a long time because I’ve never felt so devalued and unloved by another person in my life before. It only left me with pain and I wasn’t interested in covering it up with anger. I was so fed up with anger after being around it for most of my existence.
The next two years I spent recovering from the biggest wound in my life. I let the tears flow and didn’t stop them (and they didn’t stop for about six months). I wondered if I would ever stop crying. Some days my eyes were crying and I wasn’t even thinking about my ex, it was so strange. Many times I thought the tears were washing away all the angry toxins I had been infused with from my ex and everyone over the decades.
It was like all the pain was balled up into one and those months of tears were washing it away.
By the time COVID showed up, I had stopped crying and was feeling a real happiness I had never experienced before. I had landed in a place of peace, joy, love and harmony. I kept saying those words to myself and since we become what we think about, I became those things. I was able to tap into this new type of inner peace that was ‘bliss-like’ at times. I was feeling gratitude on a deep level and grateful to be on the other side and not swallowed up in a sad emotional (but definitely cleansing) abyss anymore.
I had moments where I felt wronged by him and would feel a quick jolt of anger because I had given up so much to be with him (even my dog). But I would catch myself and choose peace, joy, love and harmony as a replacement for the anger.
At first I used to laugh at myself when I would say those words because I was moving from anger to the opposite place as fast as possible and it felt completely unnatural.
Over time though, I began to prefer the other feelings and would jump to the positive emotions when I found myself being drawn to anger again. The months passed and it became natural to be in a place of peace, joy, love and harmony within myself.
Anger is a terribly low vibration in the world and in ourselves. Imagine tossing a pebble in a pond and watching the ripples it creates at they spread over the water. Now imagine what type of vibration anger creates. What about peace, joy, love and harmony, what type of vibration do you think they create?
It’s amazing how the true vibration of peace, joy, love and harmony can actually neutralize anger in another. It never ceases to amaze me how a real peaceful countenance can lower the flames of angry fire in a situation. The more one practices, the better they become. It’s a life long journey and oh so worth peeling back the layers and overcoming oneself to get to all the good they have inside.
I believe we have everything we need inside of us right now, to do everything we need to do in the world. Your success for every single thing you want is within you, ready to be uncovered or discovered. You can get whatever you want from yourself, just like I have. I’ve developed techniques and methods to shift my mindset and deliver my brain to a place of peace and bliss whenever I want. It’s a peaceful emotions lifestyle which includes a complete tool belt to access for quick bliss alignment.
Have a wonderful and peaceful day!
